There are a lot of annoying people on this planet.  So many in fact, that it would be impossible for me to classify and document them all, but damned if I’m not gonna try anyway.  Here’s a list of the 6 most annoying people you could ever be unfortunate enough to watch a movie with.

6. The Intermissionist

I don’t think that’s even a word, so I’m staking my claim on it right now as my very own word for people who insist on getting up and down during a movie and then expecting you to explain everything they missed.  This is very annoying in any movie that you’re particularly enjoying because not only are you having the constant distraction of them shuffling about, you’ve got the added frustration of having to pause the movie and explain the stuff they missed, completely taking you out of said movie.

Similar to this is someone who will come in halfway through a movie and expect you to catch them up on the first half.  With a simple Adam Sandler comedy this probably wouldn’t be an issue at all, but for anything more involved it’s annoying as hell.  Imagine trying to explain the first half of Body of Lies to someone while simultaneously watching the second half.  Doesn’t sound fun?  That’s because it’s not.

5. The Fortune Teller

OMG I TOTALLY CALLED THAT TWIST

This is something I really can’t stand.  There’s usually that one guy who feels like he has to one-up everyone else by calling out a twist before it happens in case he predicted it correctly.  While predicting a twist can sometimes be a “wow, nice one” moment, it’s usually a “you dick, I didn’t see that coming and you ruined it for me” moment.  It can even be as subtle as someone saying “Oh I bet that guy will get shot any minute now OH MY GOD HE JUST GOT SHOT!”  It’s not like it’s some major plot twist, but holy shit does it ruin a movie having someone do that.  Even worse is that usually the prediction they’re making isn’t even a difficult or insightful one.  Most of the time everyone will already know what’s coming but they’re too busy… oh, say… enjoying the movie?

4. The Questioner

Kevin Spacey, The Usual Suspects

Why is she opening that closet?  Is that guy dead?  Who killed that lady?  Where did his wife go?  Am I annoying yet?

This is possibly the worst type of movie viewer on the list.  This is the person who you will go to see a movie with, neither of you having seen it before, and they will ask you question after question after question.  I don’t wanna get all sexist up in here but for some reason this is something almost all girls do.

It’s simple: I haven’t seen the movie before, I only know as much as you do.  Why the hell would I know who killed that guy if you don’t?  Part of the frustration of this is the implied necessity for everything to be blatantly obvious in a movie.  How can they just have that guy be dead and not say who did it?  That’s because it’s a mystery!  It’s the whole point of the movie!  Seriously people, come on…

3. The Thrill Seeker

Underworld is a shitty, shitty movie.

Sometimes you’ll go see a movie that is absolute fucking shit.  I’m talking about absolutely terrible, retarded movies like Underworld (I’m gonna get into trouble for that one).  It seems as though if the movie makes no genuine attempt to be good, you should automatically be able to suspend your critical mind and enjoy it anyway.  I enjoyed plenty of movies that quite obviously necessitated a suspension of belief, that’s not the issue here.  If I don’t like a movie it’s because I have watched it, thought about it and come to the conclusion that it’s a terrible movie.  I’m sorry if that undermines your precious fucking pearl of a movie (I’m looking at YOU Transformer fans) but I literally just despise the movie.

They will often tell you that “you’re no fun” or “you only like boring movies”.  Even more common is “I just like to have the occasional movie that I don’t have to think about”.  There’s a big difference between not-thinking-about-it and blindly adoring it for indiscernible reasons.  Often this is just a case of the fan trying to make themselves feel better by pretending that you only dislike their favourite movie because of something you’re doing wrong.  Conveniently, this leads me onto the next point…

2. The “You Just Don’t Get It” Guy

Have you ever watched one of those arty movies and not really liked it much?  That’s okay – if you didn’t like it, you can’t help it, it just wasn’t to your taste.  Or maybe… You just don’t get it!  That’s what some people will have you believe anyway.

These people are annoying as hell and tend to place themselves on some level above everyone else when it comes to movies.  Sure, there are some times when “not getting” a movie can truly ruin it but usually if someone didn’t like a movie, they just didn’t like it.  They’re not missing out on some highly intellectual subtlety that only your finely tuned cinema eye can detect.

On the other hand, I did know someone who once said they hated Fight Club because it just seemed to be all about fighting and was therefore a guy’s movie.  While I concede that guy’s are probably much more likely to enjoy the movie as it does drive home a lot of the insecurity and frustration males face, it’s not fair to say the movie is “just about fighting”.  It’s not about fighting at all.  This is the rare case where someone truly has misunderstood the movie.

That being said, I’ve been told I don’t like Twilight because I “don’t get the movie”.  No, I don’t like it because it’s an atrocious piece of film-making.

1. The Fact Checker

This is the guy who will impulsively point out any factual inaccuracy as soon as it occurs.  The title of worst offender is currently a tie between science buffs and gun nuts.  Imagine watching a movie like Bad Boys, which is obviously supposed to be fairly over the top and generally exciting rather than thought provoking.  That won’t stop the gun nut fact checker from pointing out that gun that shot more times than it should have, or that gun sound that isn’t the right sound.

It goes without saying you shouldn’t even bother watching a science fiction movie with a science buff present, unless you’re happy to hear them harp on about how they did the time travel all wrong or how computers don’t really work in the way the movie presents them.