The late 90’s was all about sitting up late at night with SBS on mute, waiting for Weather Woman or Chinese Ghost Stories.  That moment where all the waiting was finally rewarded with a brief flash of tit or – no way – is that vag?  That moment was always spectacular and well worth the effort.

Let’s travel forward through time a little and look at how far we’ve come – and yes, I know how dangerous it is to use that word in an article about porn you damn perverts.  Do me a favour (those of you who aren’t at work), as a demonstration of the point I’m about to raise, go to http://www.redtube.com.  Click through a few pages and I guarantee you that you will find at least one video featuring some, or all, of the following:

• Gagging
• Bondage
• Donkey punching
• Spanking
• Rimming
• Fisting
• Footing (!!)
• Choking
• Double penetration

Now, I’m not saying there is anything particularly wrong with any of the above.  If you’re into any or all of that stuff, go for your life.  The problem is – it’s kind of becoming the norm.  It’s becoming harder and harder to find porn that is literally just two people going at it.  I don’t want to see some pretty girl turn into a panda faced buffoon while some gigantic african penis is rammed down her throat.  I just want to see hot chicks get fucked.

During my… uh… research for this post (I’ve been researching this post long before blogs existed, by the way) I’ve found that European porn is typically the number one fornication destination if you want plain old vanilla sex.  Australian porn is pointless because it’s only legal to sell X-rated material in the Australian Capital Territory and (I believe) the Northern Territory so any porn you get is R-rated.  American porn is… well BangBros, Brazzers and Max Hardcore.  Interesting when you consider that Americans tend to be the ones that are considered prudes, while the Europeans are considered more sexually aware.  Australians are probably not really considered at all.

The internet has taken away from us the more innocent types of porn but it can still be found – it’s just less common.  However, there is one thing that the internet threatens to eliminate.  That thing is: woods porn.  Woods porn is the term used to describe the mysterious stashes of porn found in the woods, by teens of all ages, all over the world.  It’s a proud tradition, passed down man-to-man. For decades men have been discarding their old porn mags in the woods waiting for the next young fellow to stumble across it and begin his own journey of discovery.  Some of you will know exactly what I’m talking about, others may have never stumbled across such a stash, but they do exist – for now.  I can’t see the men of the future leaving stashes of DVD-ROMs or hard drives out in the woods to be found by some lucky lad, nor can I see such devices surviving the harsh weather even if they were stashed in the woods.

This whole post has been very whiny and depressing, so it’s time to go upbeat for a moment and consider whether there’s something productive that can come of all this.  What can we do about this sad state of affairs?  It’s easy: go buy a porn mag.  No seriously, do it.  Go buy a porn mag, pop it in a plastic shopping bag and go litter in the middle of the woods.  Not too far into the woods, just far enough that some curious person may happen across it.  Do your part to continue the tradition.  Don’t put some mag full of fisting and gagging in there.  Put something vanilla and accessible.  Think “my first porno”.  You’ll be doing your town, your state and your country – hell, the world – a favour by doing so.

If we work together, we can save the porn – and the children too I suppose.

I started looking around for other solutions.  The most obvious solution that came to mind was that of a “CAPTCHA” image, a rather clumsy, contrived acronym standing for “Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart”.  The most popular implementation seems to be reCAPTCHA which (for reasons way too technical to bother describing here) is incredibly secure and accessible even to the blind.

Now you’ll notice whenever you are submitting a comment you are asked to respond to a CAPTCHA image, which is unfortunate, but common enough that I think people are used to it.  I believe this is probably the best solution but if anyone has any other ideas, let me know.  I also had to fiddle around with the plugin to get it to display just right so if anyone reads this and needs help getting things just right, let me know – I may be able to help.

So what could I spend it on?  My lovely girlfriend has recently bought a massive TV and couch, so there’s no need for either of those but I would like to invest in some furniture.  I’m thinking probably a complete dining set or a  coffee table w/ entertainment unit.

Venezia Dining Setting

That’s the dining table and chairs I’m after, though the chairs will be black and the glass is much darker than that I’m certain.

There is the potential for further upgrading on my computer.  I started thinking about upgrading my computer a couple of months ago, and it became obvious quite quickly that it would be a better idea to just build a brand new one.  So I did!

What I would love to get though is a new monitor, a new video card (I just grabbed an entry level one for now) and a Blu-ray drive.  The specifics products I’m interested in are:

Samsung 2333SW

LG DVD / Blu-Ray / HD-DVD external drive

Sapphire Radeon 4890

All three of those are on the “to buy eventually list” but hopefully I can spring for one with my tax return.  The blu-ray drive is the only one I’m not so sure about as it seems kinda like an overkill and may not be worth it since it costs around AU$400.  Either way, can’t wait for that money…

This week I’ve been reading up a lot on Starcraft II and Diablo III.  I’m so looking forward to both of those games it’s ridiculous.  I have a big update in the wings about Diablo III and I’ll do one for Starcraft II, just in case you’re not up on the latest and want to know what’s happening with the two games.

Anyway, since this allowed Essendon to win last time I did it, I’m going to say:

“GO THE BOMBERS!”  Good luck vs. Geelong guys.

Go the mighty Bombers!

For now, all I have to say is: Go the mighty Bombers!!!

Go the mighty Bombers!

Simon's MySpace photo

We left on Saturday 25th April, about halfway through the last quarter of the ANZAC day match between Essendon and Collingwood.  Leaving so close to the end meant I was under the impression Essendon had lost until my mate informed me by text message that they had won in the last few seconds.  Very good start to the trip…

The rest of the trip was filled with visits to relatives of both myself and Sherroy, along with a trip to the aquarium and the Werribee Zoo (which was pretty sweet).  Also went to see Wolverine at Village Gold Class and loved it.  Gold Class is a rip off though, don’t bother going unless you want to waste an extra $15 for a slightly more comfortable seat.

Anyway, here are some photos from the trip.

And that’s about all the photos I can be bothered uploading.

Heading to a house warming tonight to have a few drinks (okay, so maybe I’ll have more than a few) and just chill out a bit.  Expect some photo updates tomorrow.

Anyway until then I’m gonna fuck off and go do something useful.

P.S. Oh shit, almost forgot to mention – thanks m0d3rn for the header images!